Applying for the scholarship was one of the hardest (and most nerve wracking!) things I've ever done. Unfortunately, my personal life experiences have "trained" me to avoid putting myself in a situation that may cause me to feel let down or rejected. But I decided that I was surrounded by an actress, a videographer, and support from friends for a reason - I NEEDED to apply. (breakthrough: looking past my self doubt)
After working up the nerve, I asked my friends to help me put together a video submission. (breakthrough: asking for help) We had 2 weeks to get it all worked out and submitted. It took me just about 13 of the 14 days to figure out what I was gonna say! I had to figure out a way to (1) grab their attention so I could (2) ask for help?! oh my gosh, I suddenly realized I've spent most my adult life AVOIDING those two things! (breakthrough: see last 2 sentences)
After lots of tears, I had it written out & memorized. But I was SO nervous the day we taped that I couldn't remember a single word of it without my notes! It was a very personal & close to my heart video. I couldn't believe I was willing to share it with other people. (breakthrough: sharing weaknesses) It was a relief to finally get it submitted and out of my hands. In the time between submitting my video and the announcement of the winners, I did a lot of not only praying but begging that I would be a recipient.
After waiting until 10pm for the winners to be announced, I decided even if the little voice in my head that told me "you're not going to win, don't be disappointed" was right - I had already had broken away a lot of my self protecting cocoon. And I'll admit, I was very disappointed & cried myself to sleep that night ... but admitting that is yet another breakthrough for me. I was "over it" in record time - I had too much to do to dwell on not winning. If I was going to have to make this business work with out the scholarship to help, I had LOTS to do! It was then I realized, that was the point of the experience and I walked away from the process with a new ownership of my abilities.
I'm a different person for having applied to this scholarship. I made more breakthroughs over the 1 month process then I thought possible! I may not be one of the 3 shouting "I WON!" from the mountaintops but since I've started up that mountain, I'm going to keep climbing! The Lord has a path already picked out for me. And while it may not include a jump start in the way of a scholarship, it does include me breaking through that cocoon to be the beautiful me that I was MADE to be.
I'll soar, I'll still pull others along with me, AND I'll have a stronger voice to shout from the mountaintops when I get there!
MY VIDEO
Thank you to all my friends and loved ones that supported me through this ... I'm not done yet!
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